Journal Entry #10-Courage and Trust

Katie Willden

YTT III

Journal Entry #10

 

Courage & Trust

 

            The question is:  In what do you trust?  As a baby, all we can do is trust our parents and the adults that give us care.  They are the ones that brought us into the world and they take care of our core basic needs for survival.  As we get a little older, we learn that there are others that we can also trust to take care of us, grandparents, teachers, friends and family members.  Then we get later into childhood and we start to have experiences that start to make our trust shake a little.  We learn that people are fallible and they make mistakes and our trust in that person is shaken.  But, we still have open hearts and still want to trust, so we keep trying to trust.  As adults, however, we have had a journal full of experiences that have shaken our trust in many things and we don’t trust as easily.  So, in the end, we decide that all we can trust is ourselves.

            It takes real courage to choose to trust again.  It also takes great practice.  When I was left by my ex-husband, I didn’t know if I could ever trust again.  My closest friend, my partner in life, the father of my children, had chosen to leave me because he “didn’t know if he could be married anymore”.  In my deepest despair I thought I would never trust again.  If the one person I loved more than anything could do this to me, I would never want to leave myself so vulnerable again.

            But, life happens and people come around that restore your faith and trust little by little.  At least that’s what happened for me.  As I started to see that I could possibly start trusting again, I met Mike.  He showed me that it’s worth being courageous and trying to trust again.  He had been through his own trust shaking experiences and we both chose to be courageous and trust in each other.  We both trust each other with our hurt hearts and we both trust that we’ll be better for allowing ourselves to trust again.

            If we allow negative experiences to scar us for life and we choose not to trust again, we become hardened.  I believe that trust is an integral part in living an authentic and compassionate life.  Trust and courage go hand in hand because it is courageous to trust, especially when trust has been shaken.

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