Communication is the biggest thing that can make or break any relationship, romantic or otherwise. If a person fails to communicate their feelings correctly, the other person in the relationship are unaware of the others true feelings and can act opposite of how they should for the other. Often times one person in the relationship chooses to not communicate their feelings for fear of being rejected or misunderstood, so resentment then builds for the other parties in the relationship. This is unfair to the other people in the relationship because they are acting only according to what information has been made available to them. I truly believe that communication is the biggest responsibility we have in entering into any kind of relationship with someone.
I have lived the experience of not communicating first hand and it played a huge part of how my life is today. My ex-husband was apparently unhappy in our relationship for several years. If he would have communicated with me earlier in the relationship when he first began having those feelings, perhaps we could have saved our relationship. If he would have communicated with me sooner, I think our divorce could have been filled with more love rather than with so much anger and hate.
My current husband also dealt with similar circumstances. He acted from a place of religious devotion and felt the urgency of marriage and failed to communicate his fears with his girlfriend at the time. Because of the education he had from his religion, he felt the urgency to marry, found a girl “worthy”, and married her without ever confronting his true feelings of not being ready to marry. His now ex-wife felt similar fears and also failed to communicate them, and so the marriage happened as well as their subsequent divorce. Because of their lack of communication at the beginning of their relationship, they didn’t communicate during their marriage and infidelity came into the picture.
I see so many examples of heartbreak happening at the hands of lack of communication. It is so scary to be open to communicate, however. Open and honest communication means vulnerability, which does not come easily in this society. We are supposed to be strong and fierce and know what we want and go out and get it. But what happens when those things don’t match up with what is really going on in our heart? If we ignore what is truly happening inside, we choose not to communicate truthfully. We choose to live in a place of without authenticity.
In retrospect, I can see how my ex-husband chose to not communicate his truth because of fear. He chose to fight the truth until his lack of authenticity took over his fear. In a way I commend that. I honestly don’t think I could live in a situation that long, not living authentically. I also can see the beauty in what he did because he didn’t want to hurt us. His fear may have held him back, but it saved his children from heartbreak before they were ready to take it. His fear allowed us to bring our third baby into the world. His fear gave me more time to become strong enough to handle the repercussions of his lack of communication.
Communication is the biggest and most important aspect of life because we live among others. I have realized in my acting more mindfully that as important as communication is, our reaction to communication or lack thereof is just as important. I believe that with practice it will be more possible for me to begin looking at situations from a more logical perspective and I can understand where people come from in their communication or lack of.